We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
