woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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