Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You did what with his pubic hair?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
