I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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