just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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