We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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