Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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