The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
