I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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