so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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