Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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