you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
