wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
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Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
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apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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