The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
