we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
