Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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