Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
