I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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