how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
