I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
