He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
