i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Randomize
