I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
