sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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