My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
