sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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