is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
love makes seman taste better
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
