my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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