Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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