he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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