...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
