I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
