I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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