new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
