We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
