He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Actions speak louder than pants.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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