I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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