i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
