Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
