I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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