take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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