I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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