Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
