i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
