My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
