Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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