I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
