I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
