Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
