dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
