so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
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I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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