Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
