I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
