Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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