Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
