I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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