I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
