You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
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Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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