im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize