Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
