I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
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Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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