They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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