How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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