Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize