He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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