week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
