If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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