Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
